Why is fear always easier than faith?
Does strength and doubt reside in the same place? If so, what determines which will be employed?
Who knows what they really want?
I believe the biggest obstacle between success and failure is how you measure both and what you're willing to lose to accomplish each.
It's weird to find out how people see you; it seems they often see you different than you see yourself, or according to my experience of late, they see me differently than I see myself.
I've yet to experience anything more beautiful than hearing a baby laugh.
Having to ensure needs are met often take away the ability to live the life you dream about. Or, as it has been my experience, worrying about handling the responsibilities associated with living has taken away from my willingness to pursue the things that I dream about.
Sometimes I feel like "later" passed me, that is why I am glad that I have right now.
I hate it when my prayers are answered differently that I thought they would be. It seems to me that all the rules change and I'm again left relying on the one to whom I prayed to in the first place. Funny how that works...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
This One Queston...
When I was growing up, I remember singing a hymn in Sunday School. Our teacher would sit behind a small piano that they had in the basement. We'd all gather around her and she'd lead us as we sang, "They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love. They will know we are Christians by our love." After some of the events that occurred to me yesterday, I'm left to wonder in what instance "they" will question whether or not I am. There are moments, a plethora of moments, those that are even undefinable when I've been asked, "Hey Will, I thought you were Christian!?" It is to me, a very condescending, judgmental question.
The person asking the question is bringing their own ideas of religious servitude into play, their own preconceived notions, and their own definitive ideal on what the label means. I ask what have I done, or what am I doing where you'd doubt my faith. Is there something occurring where my actions warrant disdain? But maybe, maybe my view upon the situation is not objective enough. Could the question be more of a plea, or could the question be a sign of respect. The first question (i.e., a plea); a subverted voicing of a desire to be supported in love and in prayer? The second type of question (i.e., sign of respect); an expectation built upon a respect that has been forged through previous acts and actions?
I've heard it said that prison is full of innocent people. Maybe my view on the question is an attempt to escape the accountability that comes with it. Maybe I'm pleading a spiritual innocence at my lack of devotion to a faith I boast about. No matter, questions will come and go, often the things that are touted as being workable and productive are also subject to being proven. I find it ironic that I've decided to blog about a question that I've been asked repeatedly when I know exactly why it has been asked. This post should probably be in my personal journal; hypocrisy is always looked at with disdain and disgust.
The person asking the question is bringing their own ideas of religious servitude into play, their own preconceived notions, and their own definitive ideal on what the label means. I ask what have I done, or what am I doing where you'd doubt my faith. Is there something occurring where my actions warrant disdain? But maybe, maybe my view upon the situation is not objective enough. Could the question be more of a plea, or could the question be a sign of respect. The first question (i.e., a plea); a subverted voicing of a desire to be supported in love and in prayer? The second type of question (i.e., sign of respect); an expectation built upon a respect that has been forged through previous acts and actions?
I've heard it said that prison is full of innocent people. Maybe my view on the question is an attempt to escape the accountability that comes with it. Maybe I'm pleading a spiritual innocence at my lack of devotion to a faith I boast about. No matter, questions will come and go, often the things that are touted as being workable and productive are also subject to being proven. I find it ironic that I've decided to blog about a question that I've been asked repeatedly when I know exactly why it has been asked. This post should probably be in my personal journal; hypocrisy is always looked at with disdain and disgust.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
One Piece at a Time
One year I went home for Christmas. When I walked into the front door of the house, my sister was working on a 1000 piece puzzle of lion. I saw the many pieces and said, "Steph, it's going to be forever before you finish that puzzle." I was the pessimistic cynic, she however chose to see the puzzle and all the pieces that had not been put into place as a progressive journey.
With each piece that she added, I was able to see her progress. She said, "Will, I'm going to put this puzzle together a piece at a time." I smiled, and brushed her off in my mind. I could only think about what I'd do in the same situation; seeing how daunting putting the puzzle together would be, and the amount of time I'd have to invest, I may have just walked away with a prevailing thought of what's in it for me when I finish.
The next year I again went home. We sat around the coffee table and on Christmas morning we began handing out the presents. As is a tradition in our family, Nat King Cole's Christmas album was playing, my mom had cut up some homemade Pumpkin Bread and the kitchen smelled of pumpkin spice, nutmeg and cider. My dad was leaning on the stairs, wearing his new overcoat and hat and my sister made her way out of the room. She came back in with a huge present that looked like a gigantic picture frame wrapped in exquisite paper. My dad, ever so gently, as he was known to do, which aggravated the hell out of us, started to slowly unwrap his present. He made sure not to tear the paper off, removing it so tenderly the tape was taken off a piece at a time. My annoyance at the delay was pronounced when I shouted, "We're going to be wishing you Merry Christmas next year before you finish opening that!" He looked up at me and smiled. It was his present and he was going to open it the way that he wanted to. When he finally finished, behind a shimmering pane of glass, bordered by an intricately designed rich wooden frame, I saw the face of a mighty lion staring at me. Each piece was in its place. My sister had finished putting the puzzle together.
Despite the painstaking hours, the annoyance at hitting a wall, the possible loss of motivation, she trudged onward and never quit. She saw each piece of the puzzle as an added item here and an added item there filling a desire that she had to present her hard work to her father as a gift. She loved him enough to give him a gift that required more than a Saturday shopping spree or an online order. It took her many days and many more hours to complete her gift. My dad wore a grin that would rival Bill Cosby's and walked over to my sister and kissed her on the forehead. His eyes couldn't hide the pleasure he felt at the show of love his daughter had blessed him with. I looked at my sister differently that day.
She answers so many of my questions with, "So what Will." Every time I think about quitting or not being able to accomplish something, as I describe the obstacles that are ahead of me, she interrupts me with her famous saying, "So what Will." When I told her that I had been laid off, "So what Will." When I told her that I didn't know where to start or how to write a book, she said...When I told her that I didn't think I'd be able to finish this or start that she responded, "So what..." I smile when I think about the unwavering faith that she has in me to accomplish the impossible. She often tells me, and has the framed lion to prove, that I can do and be whatever I want as long as I work at it a piece at a time. The next time I even think of quitting, I'm going to remember her. I'll say to myself, "So what Will," and then add another piece to the puzzle I call my life.
With each piece that she added, I was able to see her progress. She said, "Will, I'm going to put this puzzle together a piece at a time." I smiled, and brushed her off in my mind. I could only think about what I'd do in the same situation; seeing how daunting putting the puzzle together would be, and the amount of time I'd have to invest, I may have just walked away with a prevailing thought of what's in it for me when I finish.
The next year I again went home. We sat around the coffee table and on Christmas morning we began handing out the presents. As is a tradition in our family, Nat King Cole's Christmas album was playing, my mom had cut up some homemade Pumpkin Bread and the kitchen smelled of pumpkin spice, nutmeg and cider. My dad was leaning on the stairs, wearing his new overcoat and hat and my sister made her way out of the room. She came back in with a huge present that looked like a gigantic picture frame wrapped in exquisite paper. My dad, ever so gently, as he was known to do, which aggravated the hell out of us, started to slowly unwrap his present. He made sure not to tear the paper off, removing it so tenderly the tape was taken off a piece at a time. My annoyance at the delay was pronounced when I shouted, "We're going to be wishing you Merry Christmas next year before you finish opening that!" He looked up at me and smiled. It was his present and he was going to open it the way that he wanted to. When he finally finished, behind a shimmering pane of glass, bordered by an intricately designed rich wooden frame, I saw the face of a mighty lion staring at me. Each piece was in its place. My sister had finished putting the puzzle together.
Despite the painstaking hours, the annoyance at hitting a wall, the possible loss of motivation, she trudged onward and never quit. She saw each piece of the puzzle as an added item here and an added item there filling a desire that she had to present her hard work to her father as a gift. She loved him enough to give him a gift that required more than a Saturday shopping spree or an online order. It took her many days and many more hours to complete her gift. My dad wore a grin that would rival Bill Cosby's and walked over to my sister and kissed her on the forehead. His eyes couldn't hide the pleasure he felt at the show of love his daughter had blessed him with. I looked at my sister differently that day.
She answers so many of my questions with, "So what Will." Every time I think about quitting or not being able to accomplish something, as I describe the obstacles that are ahead of me, she interrupts me with her famous saying, "So what Will." When I told her that I had been laid off, "So what Will." When I told her that I didn't know where to start or how to write a book, she said...When I told her that I didn't think I'd be able to finish this or start that she responded, "So what..." I smile when I think about the unwavering faith that she has in me to accomplish the impossible. She often tells me, and has the framed lion to prove, that I can do and be whatever I want as long as I work at it a piece at a time. The next time I even think of quitting, I'm going to remember her. I'll say to myself, "So what Will," and then add another piece to the puzzle I call my life.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Personal Piety
I've been stuck on this phrase, "Personal Piety" for a couple of days now. I have wondered where justice and faith intersect. I've been curious as to why persons who voted to uphold Propositon 8 are being called persons that discriminate. I've wondered aloud why there is an "us" versus "them" mentality. As a Christian I believe that God demands and requires that we, pray, seek out, and embody a pursuit of justice - that evil doers are punished and those that are held in a manner of subjigation be liberated. World troubles such as hunger, slavery, the sex trade, poverty, should all be areas where justice is pursued. I now wonder why that doesn't happen. I believe that life gets comfortable. The more comfortable it gets, the less willing those that are comfortable are willing to be inconvenienced for someone else. They may not be true for all, but it has been true for me in some instances.
I'll part with a moving story. On Sunday, I watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. There was a man born with cerebral palsy. He said that he is on a mission to change the world one person at a time. I believe that was the underlying purpose of Christ's ministry - to change the world and let people know that God's will can happen on earth and in heaven by changing one person at a time.
I'll part with a moving story. On Sunday, I watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. There was a man born with cerebral palsy. He said that he is on a mission to change the world one person at a time. I believe that was the underlying purpose of Christ's ministry - to change the world and let people know that God's will can happen on earth and in heaven by changing one person at a time.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Now What
When I was growing up, I loved to watch the sports documentaries. They were full of excitement and a bit of melodrama. The athlete would find themselves in peril. The narrator's voice would delve into an empathetic softness reminding the audience of the dire straits they were faced with. The athlete would come to a moment of decision. They chose to focus their energy on being the best that they could be to the benefit of their family. They'd all say, "I am here because of the people that supported me," or "I knew that I needed to make it to this point so that I could help my family." They realized that life had handed them lemons; being born to a drug addicted mother, being raised in abject poverty, being orphaned, having a special needs sibling, losing their homes to fire. Life handed them all lemons, they instead, with the power of God made lemonade.
I am currently faced with a new challenge. I've spend the last couple of days trying to figure out what I am going to do, how I'm going to fix the change in my circumstances, and what to do if they continue to change along their current course. I am not sure what tomorrow holds, but I guess that's the beauty of living - getting an opportunity to see the unknown and watch it develop into a known. I have long wanted to write a book. I've been afraid of trying. I've always thought that I didn't have the tools, writing wise, to be able to finish it. Now that I have a little bit of time on my hands, I believe that I am going to get started. Who knows, maybe one day they'll be a documentary about me. It will talk about how his life changed on 10 Nov 2008, but it was a welcome change because it provided an opportunity to pursue a dream. "I believe it is a lot harder to walk when you don't have a destination," that will be my quote when I allow Larry King to have the first exclusive interview. He doesn't talk to amateurs, he only holds court with the best of the best.
I am currently faced with a new challenge. I've spend the last couple of days trying to figure out what I am going to do, how I'm going to fix the change in my circumstances, and what to do if they continue to change along their current course. I am not sure what tomorrow holds, but I guess that's the beauty of living - getting an opportunity to see the unknown and watch it develop into a known. I have long wanted to write a book. I've been afraid of trying. I've always thought that I didn't have the tools, writing wise, to be able to finish it. Now that I have a little bit of time on my hands, I believe that I am going to get started. Who knows, maybe one day they'll be a documentary about me. It will talk about how his life changed on 10 Nov 2008, but it was a welcome change because it provided an opportunity to pursue a dream. "I believe it is a lot harder to walk when you don't have a destination," that will be my quote when I allow Larry King to have the first exclusive interview. He doesn't talk to amateurs, he only holds court with the best of the best.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
November 4, 2008
I exist today as not only a participant, but a witness to history. His story has become my story and will be told to my children and my children's children. Today, the dream that you can be anything you set your mind to became true. Today, labels were transcended. Today, fears were transcended. Today the content of a man's character propelled him to the highest office in the land. Today, the Rev. Jesse Jackson stood in front of President elect Barack Obama. Today, the most powerful woman on daytime TV, a billionaire many times over, stood with tears in her eyes - there is power in having a dream.
Langston Hughes once wrote, "A world I dream where black or white, whatever race you be, will share the bounties of the earth and every man is free" (Hughes, "I Dream a World p. 311), free to make choices, choices that forever change the landscape of America's history, where the freedom to make a choice led to a collective psychological freedom from the restrictions that sex, age and race have for so long imposed. Today became a sign that reinvigorated the hope that comes with believing in a dream. Today became an answer to a question posed on Jeopardy. Today became a marker in history where the question will be where you were and what you did. Today creates a new reality. Today is surreal! Today will one day be a holiday.
Today, I believe that anything is truly possible.
Today is November 4, 2008, the day Barack Obama was elected president of these United States.
Langston Hughes once wrote, "A world I dream where black or white, whatever race you be, will share the bounties of the earth and every man is free" (Hughes, "I Dream a World p. 311), free to make choices, choices that forever change the landscape of America's history, where the freedom to make a choice led to a collective psychological freedom from the restrictions that sex, age and race have for so long imposed. Today became a sign that reinvigorated the hope that comes with believing in a dream. Today became an answer to a question posed on Jeopardy. Today became a marker in history where the question will be where you were and what you did. Today creates a new reality. Today is surreal! Today will one day be a holiday.
Today, I believe that anything is truly possible.
Today is November 4, 2008, the day Barack Obama was elected president of these United States.
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