Until I Figure Things Out...

Something funny happened yesterday, people told me that they didn't understand what I was talking about in my blog. They're right, I didn't know either.

I really appreciate Pastor Bob. I was at the gym today, and I spent some time complaining, as I do, about things that haven't gone my way, he listened and provided wise counsel. I was humbled by his humility and grasp of the bigger picture.

Yesterday, I learned that you cannot change the rules of the game until you learn how to play it.

Everytime I see somebody using the new iPhone, I secretly wish that I had one too.

Jealousy will eat away at your soul faster than ants at a picnic.

It is a good feeling to know that you're loved, it is an even better feeling when you get to show somebody else love.

I enjoy antagonizing people into an argument, but get frustrated when somebody does the same to me.

I'm writing these random sentences, because I've yet to be able to string together a long coherent thought.

I cannot wait until new episodes of Superbike start airing.

Small Group was informative last night; what we believe will show in what we do. If we believe that God is love, then we will love, just as he loved.

Better to humble yourself, than to have God have to humble you.

It really isn't about you. You may say, what is "it?" It, is it all, all the things that we think are about us, really aren't. Everyone is here for a purpose, what's yours?

Discussing politics is like magnets with the same charge - polarizing, even amongst friends.

Should've Gone to the Gym...

Some of the Old Spice commercials are weird. I like that show called The Closer. Somebody told me yesterday that they'd do anything to get close to a girl they couldn't quit thinking about, I thought, "I wouldn't." He said, "You haven't met the right girl." He didn't know I was lying. I heard a good quote yesterday, "I live everyday with the hope of being better than I was yesterday." I think that is an admirable goal. I spent some time with my mom yesterday; spending time with her is nice. I'm hungrier in the morning if I eat before I go to bed, are you? Congress is revamping the GI bill, http://www.gibill2008.org/benefits.html, I'm excited for the opportunities this will provide. When I was younger my brother wanted to be like me. Now, I want to be like him. I'm proud of him. Living without goals is stressful, having too many is also stressful. I'm planning on maintaining my blog for one year. I want to improve on my writing skills. After a year, I'll see where I'm at. I want to take a photography class. Does anyone wish Brett Favre would've just retired? On the inverse, how do you walk away from something you love? There is nothing more frustrating than wanting what you cannot have. I guess that's the point of having a goal, it provides a space for hope.

The Friend Pool

Falling in love, or allowing yourself to fall in love is the scariest, most rewarding feeling that can ever be had. I believe that God answers prayers. I like to imagine praying for a baseball, running to a ball field, facing home plate and waiting for one to be hit to you. You get in your crouch, smack your hand in your glove, spit out some sunflower seeds and rock back and forth. Somebody from the bleachers behind you calls out your name. You turn around only to realize that they've just tossed you that beloved baseball. They then tell you that it's Ken Griffey Jr.'s 600th home run ball. Don't get lost in somebody giving away the ball, notice that the prayer was answered, just not in the way it was expected. God rewards our faith, and he answers prayer in a way that we cannot figure out. If we could figure it out and we knew all the answers, would there be a need for prayer?

That's how I equate the "friend pool." Who doesn't want to fall in love with a close a friend and have a happy marriage and a good life together? I believe that is what makes a marriage successful, but too often I hear people wonder aloud why there isn't anything happening with the people that are right in front of them. I can't answer that question, but I believe that the magic that happens between two people cannot be forced or made. That magic; it just has to duke you, leave you surprised, have you in awe, make you gasp, cause a giggle at being fooled, smile - you know, feel like magic, but that happens when you aren't afraid to love, when you're willing to take a chance on what could be the most rewarding and exciting moment of your life. Like the guy who prayed for the baseball, he made his way to the field. For those of us who want that special relationship, why not start with loving God with the best you have to offer? Why not tell God that you love him, without him having to ask you? Why not make time to spend with him, even though it may be inconvenient for you? Why not help those around you, who are in need, as God would ask of those that love him? Why not love yourself, value your heart, consider your feelings, and work at ever growing in your knowledge, your faith, your dreams; wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you? How then will you be able to do that for someone else, if you cannot do it for yourself or for God? Get out on the field, but remember that we often have to forgive a wrong to make it out there. Forgiveness means forgiving what has happened in the past. It doesn't mean putting yourself in a situation where it can be repeated. You know the saying, those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. The past happened already. It is called the past for a reason.

Shorter One, I Promise

My blogs have been a bit long; shorter, this one is, I promise. I like camping. The stars were amazing to look at. In a movie, they were described as holes in the floor of heaven. Sweet. I'm going to watch Batman. Again! There's nothing worse than feeling like you can't be trusted, maybe I've let somebody down. The U.S. Men's team routed Canada by 55 - no surprise here, they're supposed to. I ate food with Trina today; much fun and great company. I think I may start camping more, there is something relaxing about being outside without a weapon in bear country - what's more appealing than being a human shish-ka-bob? I wish I'd gone to Comic Con this year. I was called a nerd today, it's a compliment. A pretty woman said I was handsome - she was being modest, I'm the man. Smile. I'd like to write like this for a living. I miss being me sometimes. I argued with Lina about cooking, if she'd only realize that I know she's better at it, but my ego can't handle it, we'd be ok. I bought Superman II, the Director's cut today. I'm going to watch it before church. I had a beer today, why? Good question, it gives me gas, tastes bad, but sure looks cool. I like being entertained, but don't like entertaining. I prefer sharing laughs as opposed to making them. It was good seeing a friend again, she's like 3M, she doesn't make a lot of the products people buy, but she makes them better - I appreciate her insight, even though I don't always show it. I feel like something is missing, that's it, peanut butter, jelly doesn't taste the same without it. Right now, I feel like peanut butter, I sure hope jelly feels the same way about me. Ciao.

A Little More than Babble, I Hope

Every morning I sit here to blog, I hear a couple of sportbike tearing up the 5. With little traffic and a jet engine between your legs, I feel compelled to do the same thing when I get one.

I hate that I missed small group on Wednesday and Thursday, but writing and connecting with friends made it worth it.

I feel a bit guilty in reading the most recent edition of Time magazine - only because I bypassed Nelson Mandela's 8 rules of leadership to read an article on batman.

Does it reflect badly on me if I think Guillermo Del Toro is an excellent director, with his broad landscapes, fantastically nefarious fiends and hideous original monsters. I always think that to come up with that kind of stuff, you have to have a connection with a world untapped by normal people. Maybe he does.

Maybe it's happenstance or a conspiracy, but CNN doesn't work on my cable box. I even called the cable company, oh well, I guess I won't know what they were going to say about what it means to be black in America.

As the election nears, we still don't know who will be running with the front runners for vice president, and the polls indicate the race is closer than previously suspected. We still have a few months to go.

I went up to a friends desk a couple of days ago and she apologized to me for eating. What is that? I told her don't worry about it, maybe you're hungry. I told her that I ran 5 miles last Saturday. She responded, "How much weight have you lost." Lyn was right.

I know so many people, but I feel like there are only a few that I can talk to. Their lives have moved in a direction that doesn't have as much time for me anymore. I miss them.

Did I mention that I really like to read Rick Reilly's articles on www.espn.go. com

Stephen A. Smith is my favorite journalist/commentator. His comments insight the committed fan and frustrate the system advocates. He's a players commentator, harsh on the role players and marginally talented teammates and the pied piper, revolutionary orator for the star. Kobe and Bron Bron are the gods who sit on his Mount Olympus.

I miss playing my guitar.

Is it wrong to not have a serious desire to be in a relationship? I can only think of a few people where it's worked.

I saw an old co-worker yesterday. He makes a whole lot more money than I do. He's still cool. He was talking on the phone with a friend and told him, "Hey man, I'm talking to my boy Willis. This cat's cool man. He would have made a great teacher. He's good with kids and they really liked him." For some reason, I felt worthless with the compliment. I didn't go into teaching, yesterday I regretted it.

I got to share the sermon PB preached last Sunday with a friend. I urged her "To be free from the concerns of this life," but was reminded that "An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him " (1 Cor. 7.32).

I hurt somebody's feelings yesterday when I told her her life is boring. I saw her eye flinch in the corner. What I meant is that her life didn't include me and she had no problem with that. It would be nice to be worth it to someone.

The last time the U.S. Men's Basketball team won the gold was in 2000, I think it'll be different this time. At least Lebron thinks so, he's already promised that they'd win the gold.

I haven't been to Temecula in a while. It's not the gas prices or the fact that the A/C in my car isn't working. It's because they have a pit bull. That dog scares the hell out of me. He's very aggressive.

I'm excited about this project I'm working on with Joe. I even woke up last night to write down some dreams that I had that would fit in the story. It's neat that his imagination runs as free as mine. I pray we'll be able to connect the pieces.

Why does God bring you what you're looking for when you quit looking for it. I guess at that point you're only left to trust him. You've proven to yourself that you can't do it alone.

I'd like to know the exhiliration of surfing a pipeline - I'm just unwilling to try it in shallow water, full of choral and sharks as an unexperienced swimmer and a novicial wave rider.

Outdoor activities don't excite me, it's not the event that brings value, the people you spend the time with do. I'm willing to try most anything, if I'm going with people that I want to spend time with.

On the Family Guy, the father made a comment about it being great that that man was spending time with his son and giving him the attention he needs. His son asked him to play catch to which he responded, "Why are you so needy? Leave me alone, will ya?" I do that all the time. LOL.

Everytime I think about complaining about having to go to work, I consider the alternative. Everytime I think about how much work I have to do at work, I remember my dad saying that the wouldn't call it work if that wasn't what you were supposed to be doing. His wisdom annoys me sometimes.

That's it for now. I talk more to this blog than I do to people. I miss the ripostes derived from conversation. I'm going to invite more people over for dinner. It's time that I start cooking again.

Keith has always encouraged me to try at what I'm good at. I'm getting upset that I can't think of a solid reason to substantiate why I haven't.

I'm currently envious and proud of 4 of my brothers. I value the power of education, and the pleasure that comes from learning something new. They all have a vision for their life, and they're living to attain it. Isn't that what we all should be doing?

Thanks Sandman for your encouragement the other day. It is time to move on and if I don't like something, I can change it. Thank you for caring.

Nothing Else Matters

I've been feeling a bit stressed out of late., but today I felt a wave of peace overtake me. Even now, I feel it washing away all the negativity that's been clouding my mind. Being still is working, being still has shown me that nothing else matters - all the frustrations, the building anxiety, the worry, the doubt - it doesn't matter. Yesterday, on two occasions, neighbors that I'd never spoken to in the time that I've lived in my apartment stopped me as I made my way home. They both asked me if I would be willing to help them, to assist them with wants and needs that they have; an advocate of change was called upon. According to the message that Pastor Bob preached on Sunday, we are, as Christians, advocates of change. We are to be the flavor (e.g. salt) and the water (i.e. sustainer of life - spiritually) in the environments that we occupy and the space that we occupy is occupied for a reason - that reason being to spread the love of Christ.

I personally think it's easy to love people that you like. When I like somebody, I'm all about trying to do for them, or help them out. When I don't like them, or if I feel like the other person somehow inconveniences me, I feel a sense of dread and apathy for their lives, personal stories and even their needs because being around them sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable. How easy it is to think it's all about "me" when it (i.e. life) is really about "them." I'm realizing, the hard way, that words and actions make an impact on people's lives. It seems the good deeds are relished and enjoyed in prayer and possibly those introspective moments when you sit and are thankful for all that occurred. The bad deeds or bad jokes - inappropriately timed that produce hearty belly laughter are what's talked about publicly with an "I remember when you said...that was funny." Even though both moments make an impact, I'm left to question what type of impact I want to make.

Who's Meeting Me at Home?

Stressed out. I started to again feel stressed out when I went to the gym this morning. There was a time when I loved going, because going meant that I was in a space that I could relax, lift some weights and release the tension that I'd experienced through the week. For the last year or so, the gym felt different. I felt a pressure to get in shape and occupy a different body. For some reason, the gym started to represent scorn, bad memories, shame, hurt and every now and then, a place where I'm in competition with the silent attendees who don't even know I'm competing against them. I'd have a thought, based off my own insecurity, "They're probably in a great relationship because they're in great shape." How pathetic was it to think that way. I am in a great relationship. To continue, the feelings I had about the gym were really just misplaced angst and frustration.

There was a time when I loved me, when I didn't question my worth, or who I was in Christ. But, one day, I put all of my hope and desire for love in one basket. I was like the kid who refused to share his Easter eggs in the spring. I even took some from others and hoped that by making my basket the fullest, I'd be seen as the most valuable. What I didn't realize is that the eggs in that basket were cracked. It was because I didn't take the time to place them in there with the same care that someone giving a gift would. If you're wondering what I meant here, email me and we can discuss it. I was at work yesterday, listening to my iPOD, and a song came on. I believe the lyrics were meant for a man and a woman who'd experienced the pain of a break-up, but all I could think about was God. How everything that's happened to me, and that happens, leads me straight to the Lord. The lyrics went:

I set out on a narrow way
Many years ago
Hoping I would find true love
Along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept
Pushin' through
I couldn't see how every sign
Pointed straight to you

When the song began, I thought about that first line. How setting out down the path that God has for us is sometimes challenging and often seems daunting. But God in his divine power and love, is able to bless us in every space that we occupy, even when we cannot see it. People may ask, how does this occur in tragedy? I believe it occurs in having peace. Nothing can take the place of peace. The chorus continues:

That every long lost dream
Led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
They were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I've spent
Just passin' through
I'd like to have the time I lost
And give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan
That is comin' true

I took up going to the gym to try and win back a love for myself that was taken when my heart was broken. Over this last year I realized that the broken heart came as a result of not being loved in the same way I wanted to love, but wasn't ready to love. Whether for myself or someone else, I wasn't ready. The road was broken, the times were difficult. I wished for someone to be there, who wasn't there, who used to be there, but can't be there. That space, I learned, was not for that someone else. That space is for my first love. Jesus is my first love. He was the one who met me at the altar. He was the one who comforted me when my great grandmother passed. He's the one who dried my tears when my parents divorced. He's the one who protected my brother when he was in Iraq. He's the one who saved my brother and I from drowning. He's the one, who watched movies with me and went to concerts with me and read books with me and ate meals with me. It was Him. The pain was the broken road, but home was with Jesus. I met him again through all of the friends and family who showed me to love myself the way that God loves me. I now feel equipped to love like that again, without restraint, with all of my heart and with a desire to bless the other person.

Lyrics were from "Bless the Broken Road" by the Rascal Flatts. Yep, they're a country band.

The Chinthu Vignette

I didn't spend much time sleeping last night; some things were on my mind. I'm sitting here now, in my designated, "I'm about to share some of my thoughts" spot, and I can hear the steady stream of traffic on the 5North. I wonder where they're going? I know where Lina and Shanti went this morning...

I can also hear the coaster, you know, it amazes me how many times I hear the horn sound. It's like the driver, or whatever he's called, is pleading with some idiot hiker or biker for them to move away from the tracks so the train can pass without hurting anyone. Idiots.

OK, back to task, I was hoping joy, glee, and happiness would be my mood this morning, but instead it's melancholy. Is it the weather that's outside, the dreary clouds, the cool air and the still breeze or is it that Chinthu will soon get on a plane to return home. In the short time that she was here, I was reminded of the relationship I have with my brother and sister, how much I love them and care about them. I wanted more than anything to share my own story of how I fought for them, but instead I got to listen with eager ears as Bujjie shared many stories of her older sister, the heroine, the advocate, the protector and the resilient - made ever the more apparent with serious paucity in the statement, "I will fight for the ones I love." No laughter, no joking, a look that would halt the sun's setting; she will literally fight for the ones she loves. Mole', and I knew immediately who she loves, her sister; Cagney and Lacey, Thelma and Louise, Gina and Tina and now Chinthu and Bujjie - a new pairing on the duel heroine train, with Tina and Lina threatening to impose on the ranks. Good times, good times, some of them I feel inclined to share:

The Flying Hug:

Late at night as we all sat around. We shared some testimonies of how the day went down. We laughed and we joked, a wink in each eye was shared, when a child's voice broke the ranks and drew the attention of the air. Who could it be descending from the stairs above, unabashed in her love for sleep? Any moment for rest she'd keep, how we loved to see the smile on her face and the descent in her walk said only grace. She found her way to the chair awaiting her, although one of many princesses in a royal home, the court lay subject to her ruling and will. Tonight she'd be the queen. She lifted her hand to reject my outstretched arms, only to offer a flying hug, for the knight who awaits at the door. In thoughts of shared popcorn and laughs, long walks and great memories, sometimes so scared she gaffed. Shady nights and murky clouds couldn't curtail the warmth and brightness of her smile, after a while relenting, she met the knight at the door. She gave a hug and sent him on his way, turning to leave she made one plea, call me tomorrow great knight, so of you I may ask, "What, my fair sir is cracking?

Just a Few Sayings:

How often in conversation with Chinthu, she would have on a half-hearted grin, would she look at you begging you to let her smile break free. Sometimes I'd send a compliment her way, just because her personality made them deserving, but then her wit would deploy and she'd respond without haste, "Yes, of course Will." I was dumbfounded and befuddled, "Is there one as pedantic as I, or is this an act to hide the humble spirit inside?" I found the later to be true, every compliment was met with a wave of the hand, squinted eyes and a ducking head, she turn to hide her face, thinking I didn't see the smile stretched across her face. I'd say things about how nice this was or how great that is and she'd respond, "I know Will." I'd retort, I'm going to try that and you should've shared this to which she'd respond, "That's not sensible." I'd say say, la'ddu, or Kati pori, in which she'd grin and reply, "Of course there's nobody else like me."

Thank you for the memories and I pray your travel to be safe, come back and visit us and let us hear all you have to say. I cannot wait to see your home, and the life that Mole', and TwoT, J. Stanson J, Sandeep and Bujjie speak of with glee. I won't forget that Mole' taught me how to make a girl smile, walk up to her and say "Sony Kudos," I still don't know why I'd mention electronics and candy bars in the same sentence, but maybe that's what's supposed to be funny.

!

I wonder if she's stopped laughing yet, if her stomach still hurts and if her eyes have dried? I think we all laughed that hard last night, all left to long sighs and euphoric moans that spoke of stretched ribs, deflated lungs and hilarity that will be emblazin on our psyches for time too long to forget. How did the conversation start, oh I remember, let me a moment to rehash, I said, "I find that there are 32 states in the country of India. In the 32 states, there are 32 state languages. Each state has it's own language which differs from the national language of Hindi. Within each state you have varying dialects of the same language which differs greatly from the northern dialect and the southern." I then went on to ask them to temper their conversation and to speak in one language when around us "lazy" monolingual Americans.

Not long after, a monosyllabic term, ! made it's way into the conversation, indeliably imprinted on our memories and laughs will be shared for many a day to come. We thought of every ! scenario we could, while everyone threw their heads back and held their abs - they're going to get a workout tonight. Andrea, half in sleep and half out, couldn't resist dropping a few one liners to keep the frivolity going. Joe would sit, then stand, then jog, then walk - all in an attempt to curtail the laughter coarsing through his cheeks. Sandeep had quick quirps of true events, I think the band'll learn "Happy Birthday" soon. Bujjie sat wrapped under pillows and the arms of the couch, only unfolding when laughter caused her legs to straighten. TwoT looked around and said that I was brown, I had a surprise when I replied, "As are you." Mole' pleaded with Will to stop, but common sense and spiritual duty took a backseat to the temporal pleasure of sin - the laughter must continue. Mr. Stanson shook his head, this way and that, in agreement or displeased, laughter took over his thoughts. Chinthu sat on the couch, then rolled on floor, crouched against the couch and layed on the stairs. Her head fell backwards and was thrown forward, her sides were aching and her cheeks were locked. She laughed so hard, I wish we could share them with the lonely, they'd need to know what love looked like when apparent it became that she really loves to laugh. Thank you for laughing with us Chinthu. We will ! see you soon.

I Love that Blog

I absolutely love reading my friends blogs - they're awesome. The thing I like about them is the reaction you get when you finish. Like those times you're sitting around with some friends and someone says to the other, "Hey, what's going on with what's his/her name," and you respond, "Awgh, you know, that's just them being them." That cracks me up - that people are so identifiable by action and deed that they are known, personality wise, better than they may even be aware. After reading my friends blog, I find myself saying, "That's them just being them," and getting to read about them makes them so much more interesting and compelling. It seems all you think you know about them, you don't and when you get the opportunity to know more, it is a treat. I'm kind of mad at PB though, he beat me to calling my friend his little sister, now if I say it, I'll be copying him. I know, it's a result of my competitive nature. At least I'm taller than him. He's got me beat everywhere else.

Moving on, I thought I'd share one of my favorite columns with you from Rick Reilly, he writes a column for ESPN the magazine - he used to write for Sports Illustrated, I'm sure they miss him, but if you're a sports fan and you like witty, light hearted spins on pop culture and sports, you have to check him out: http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/archive?name=reilly_rick

I am so tempted to write some random stuff about me, but I don't want to copy Lyn, oh, what the heck:

Sometimes I look like I don't care, but I do
I like to make jokes
I have some romantic comedies in my movie collection

Ok, I'm done with all of that. Hi Jimi. It was nice receiving a hello. We miss you too.

They Have a Secret

So, everyone was sitting around the coffee table for prayer, JD was speaking loud enough to be heard in the neighbor's basement, but the baby kept on sleeping like...well, you know - a baby. I said my goodbye, which encompassed snapshot memories. As I walked to my car, it appeared there were two objects in the vehicle in front of me. My first thought was, what in the world is moving in there? Is it a dog, or is it...two teenagers making out? I can see it now, one of them will have a secret, http://postsecret.blogspot.com/, "I used to make out in my car until I was scared s*&$less by a big black man." Funny enough, I was frightened too. I didn't expect anyone to be moving in the car, and when they did I had a nice chuckle. I could only imagine how frightened they were or maybe it was only seeing the white in their eyes with their hearts beating fast enough to make their heads bigger, then smaller; bigger, then smaller.

Earlier in the evening, we all gathered at the church to have practice and to say our goodbye's to our beloved Rachel. What better way to send her out than with an EC band rehearsal complete with the sacrificial offering of a song, the one Tina's been admonishing us for weeks to learn. It sounded as bad as a bunch of crows on a telephone wire the first few times we played it. I had an idea for how the guitar should sound. Who knew? I was wrong. Joe played some exceptional beats, I wish I hadn't taught him how to play the drums, he's better than I ever was. Punk! Jerry was spot-on as usual, in fact he was telling me and Sandeep, "No, you play it like this, yes?" My brow furrowed, I squinted my eyes and responded, "Yes, we played it like that, no?" Now you know the hard work that goes into sounding good on Sunday's and the patience Tina has with them, I mean me.

I'll end this blog with a question, what do you call someone who can't stand up straight? Ok, you know a bad punch line is coming. I made this up myself. I think the person I first told this to is going to respond, "Vheeliz! Eeeeekkkkk. Hhhumphh. Tst, oooohhhhkaaaaaeeeeyyyy." I thought, "A lean-ah-" you call someone who can't stand up straight a leaner, get it? A leaner. Um, I think I'll retire from writing my own jokes. She is a blessing and I hope she knows that I'm only kidding. I feel compelled to share a little bit about Rika and Shawna, but I'll pass on that as I'm sure to be caught in emotional turmoil as the week nears it's end.

I got blessed this week. Someone offered me a ticket to the sold out showings of The Dark Knight on the IMAX. The only thing that stinks about it, is we'll be watching it during the middle of day, but that really shouldn't matter being that the theatre is dark and we won't be able to tell if it is afternoon or night in the theatre. I know, I think of this stuff myself. Oh, one more thing, I was called by a nickname that I give people when I think very highly of them. You know they have that reserved space in your heart, and you can only smile when you think of them. You're always in the mood to be in around them despite the "mood" you may be in, you know!? They may not have meant it that way, but it was received that way. Thank you.

Seriously...619!?!?

There was a time when I could get up this early and not feel an inkling of sleepiness, but I think those days are over. I just walked out of the bathroom and the bags under my eyes look like I went I couple rounds with Mike Tyson. Actually, I'll say Muhammad Ali because there isn't anything wrong with my ears. LOL.

The small group meeting that we had last night was also a treat and there were many poignant statements made. Some bordered on the simple and some were sublime. All of them were warranted, needed, and worthy of the attention a discussion of the word garners. There is something about the bible, talking about it, hearing about what God intentioned from the world, for mankind and realizing that the world itself is a fallen one especially considering that we live in a fallen world, we are not exempt from participating in the political process, voicing our opinions and following the rules established by governments - if anything, by being a Christian, the bible implores me to not only be a productive citizen, but also an unselfish one. I'm glad that grace is also part of the equation - I don't like sharing my food.

For the longest time I thought that there were only 10 commandments in the bible; thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal. But, I heard that there are actually 619. 619 commandments, I'm still having trouble with the first 10. I mean, I can remember tons of times when I put things, relationships or sports ahead of God in regards to priority. That's a lot of rules that we admonished to adhere to - thank goodness for grace...again.

I got some "Get well soon" from friends yesterday. Thank you all. I'm better, so I won't be going back to bed, although I just finished yawning so hard that I locked my jaw. Good day.

Nothing to Say Today

Waking up this morning I find that I have a knot in my stomach large enough to sink a ship. It doesn't help that nausea, and muscle aches are keeping it company. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting old, but I realize that age is as much a feeling as it is our attempt at calculating our tenure on the planet. I think that today's blog will be void of any symmetry, cohesion, or continuity as I'll just take a moment to speak on what I'm thinking - no...I just realized that I'm not thinking of much right now. I think that I'll go back to bed and sleep this off. I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Soft Sand

Soft sand. Those were the first two words that crossed my mind as I arrived at the beach, I'm going to have to run on soft sand. The tide is in. The soft sand makes me get tired faster. It's like it sucks your foot up with every step and you feel like you have to wrestle with silly putty to get it free. I really don't like running on soft sand, but that doesn't seem to stop my friend from delivering the barbs intended for motivation as he jogs, at my pace, able to have a full conversation, with each word being articulated and clear, while I sound like a muddled mess. Each word, I attempt to free, sounds like pleas of help from a gasping drowning victim. I say all of that to say that it was a tremendous time, complete with a line of seaweed as victory tape marking my triumphant moment. I like the beach.

This weekend was complete. I got to hear how a friend (I'll have to come up with an original nickname for her), who's taken up a new sport, did well in her first foray into the competitive arena. I was able to spend some time with my sister who giggled and brought her vivacious, endearing spirit to lunch with me and mom. I walked on the beach with Shawna and Rika finding myself amused at the contrasting looks on their faces. Their eyes were saying this is absolutely beautiful. Their noses and mouth had a different opinion as they crinkled up trying to filter the funk known as seals. They smell like a bunch of wet baby diapers; their was no argument to be found with them considering the looks on their faces.

Sunday ended the weekend. I laughed hard, got annoyed a couple of times (who doesn't annoy me), and heard some life changing sermons. I even found myself amused when a friend told me that he couldn't wait to watch a movie because he felt like it would change his life. Ha ha, I thought, a movie changing your life. Seriously? Before I could finish that last sigh after a good chuckle, I remembered some of the movies that made my life different, how I still think about them, how I look to them for inspiration, how I wish to be as heroic and iconic as the characters in "The Power of One," "Life is Beautiful," "X," and "Like Water for Chocolate," real or imagined, those films told a story that captured my heart and made it subject to responsibility.

PB and Pastor Miles allowed God to use them to say things that I will take with me as I enter into this week. PB said that we are saved unto good works and it is our good works that allow us to demonstrate our faith. Pastor Miles said that we are to make a good name for ourselves, and to ask God to show us his favor. As both examples play out in my mind, I think of Rachel. What a beautiful person, and how blessed I've been to be able to hear her play her saxophone, hear her British accent, see her smile and listen to her encouraging words. I feel that I'm a better musician because of her, she made me want to learn how to play melodies; she's made a good name for herself by doing good works. I will miss how she'd lean against the wall in band practice, after she'd run through her scales. I will miss how she'd start playing, look over at Jerry with the, "Am I in the right key look?," then close her eyes and play a melody that mimicked the songs of the angels. I will miss the smile that would jump off her face when we'd all starting acting goofy when Tina would say, "Ok guys, let's play it one more time." Good times and good memories; I don't know if I was the only one, but the dedication PB led on her behalf, left a lump in my throat. All the water I drank after church wouldn't take it away. Oh, I think a need a glass now.

Small Group... Fun and Insightful

Thursday ended as most days do, my first thought being on what I should eat for dinner. I felt famished, so in my desperation for muy delicioso comida, I made a phone call. I dialed the number, put my phone on speaker, you know that new law, and waited for the salutation, "Hey-Louh," it was PB, after my greeting, I got right down to business, "Is there going to be dinner at Small Group tonight?" My stomach perked up and began leaning to my right. I thought, what's going on here, come to find out my stomach was aching to hear a "Yes," more than my ears. To both of ours dismay, the answer was, "No, but we'll have snacks afterward." I went to McDonald's and my stomach made a jeer at me - like it's my fault we're not having some of PB's food tonight. Who'd want to pass on that, you all know he can cook, and come to find out - facilitate a small group as well.

We began by opening up to 1 John, chapter 1. We didn't read it, or even talk about our favorite scriptures, he just asked what it was we learned about God that we'd previously been unaware of. The responses were brilliant and my ears began salivating at the tasty morsels of knowledge and insight that were being delved into. Bernie, in Bernie fashion; quiet, reserved, reverent, serenely, said "His (God's) very character encourages hope." I think my eyes welled up in the corners. I thought, that should be on a billboard by the freeway with an invitation to commune with hope at Experience Church. The conversation continued and moved into the power of confession and how confession frees us, as Tina pointed out, and removes our guilt as PB pointed out - but then the scrap that we all wish we would have said was delivered, faster than UPS, with more insight than Katie Couric and with the poise of Mia Hamm, Brooke leaned up from her enviable spot on the couch and said, "It's almost harder to accept forgiveness than it is to admit your fault." OOOOhhhh, I could stop talking there. That's a free tidbit you can marinate on for a while. Even PB pursed his lips, nodded his head to the side, and said, "That's good." We all looked around at each other, and I had to ask her to repeat it. It's Brooke's quote, but God only knows how much I'm itching to share it with someone when the opportunity presents itself.

The conversation soon lost it's serious candor and after the closing prayer we digressed into discussions pertaining to funny noises (e.g., pink, orange, brown). We all laughed so hard that our sides began to hurt, we had to slump in our chairs to catch our breath. Bernie immediately began to get concerned for me, "Can he breath, is he OK?" I was fine Bernie, I was just in love with the moment. Lyn closed the evening by reminding us that fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ, coming together to know Christ, and being able to express our love for what he's done for us and in our lives is like, "Walking on a cloud." Yes indeed it is, and so is a good pair of Sketchers.

Jaane Tu, Ya Jaane Na

The movie didn't end for me when the credits started rolling. The soundtrack was blaring, the lights were off, everyone was laughing as they made their way to the exit - heck, what better time to just start dancing, I think that I did a pretty good job, or maybe not. If I'm lucky my friends will break into random song and dance to proclaim, "Willis can't dance!" We all made our way to the lobby, and my dancing continued. The friends that had invited me to taste a small piece of their culture were ecstatic over my euphoria and a bit unsettled as my jollity came to an exciting climax when I turned and saw Rika walking towards me (pseudonyms are being used as requested). Without an incling of hesitation I belted out, "Jaane tu, ya jaane na" in Hindi. I am as tone deaf as a yelping hyenna, and my delivery of those beautiful lyrics surely left them without justice. It didn't have the same effect as in the movie; Rika immediately, as she's known to do, covered her mouth, squinted her eyes, and showed all of her teeth as she laughed hard enough to cause tears to well in her eyes - we thought she was going to fall as she weaved and staggered her way to a pillar to continue giggling. "Breathe Rika, breathe," was Ilene's recourse as she stepped in to rescue her friend; soon after she was engulfed in the happiness tide - all we could do was stand and wait for them to gather themselves. My singing continued, this time directed towards Ilene - I had to find someone who'd sing it with me, but she ducked her head in, brought out the little voice and said, "Willis, I don't know you," with the smile and glint in her eye that we've all come to love in her. TwoT got so caught in the moment, he waved goodbye to us all and began walking God knows where as if he were leaving. It was only at our prompting, that he remembered that he'd parked somewhere else.

I had so much fun as I took my first true foray into Indian culture - how beautiful it was, and how truly grand the experience. Where else could I have gone to watch a three hour movie, complete with an intermission, spontaneous song and dance, dry wit, male grandstanding, and questioned emotions as romance buds and comes into bloom. It seems love stories are universal, hearing and seeing it in Hindi made it unique. It filled my heart when I saw and heard people talking aloud and pointing at the screen when the paings of excitement caused them to grab their bellys. Rika spent so much time laughing, I wondered how she mustered the strength to eat any popcorn. The running commentary by George grabbed everyone's ear and none more than Shawna as she laughter filled the air. We finally made it to Ilene's car, as the cheering and snickers continued - we sounded like teenagers out without our parents for the first time. The drive home was a time for story telling and reflection. I looked at Shawna, and took a moment to thank her for creating a wonderful memory for me, George had something to be thankful for as well. He became still, something you never experience with him, nodded his head, and put his hand to his chin. He adjusted his glasses, cleared his throat, and time seemed to stand still. My grin widened as I thought, he's about to give me a compliment, something else I've rarely experienced. With a delivery all his own, he proclaimed, "Thank you Will..." Restitution I thought, finally a nice word from Georrr..."for giving us all a terrible headache." Awgh, a perfect end to a perfect evening. I cannot wait until I actually make it to India, to see more of the beauty that emanates from the friends God has blessed me with.

Cadillacs

My dad and I were standing in our driveway one Saturday morning, and he asked me what's the difference between a rich man and poor man that own the same type of Cadillac. He casually walked into the garage and began putting together his customary Saturday morning car cleanliness maintenance kit. I stood at the foot of the driveway, and thought about it for a minute and decided that the poor man drives his and the rich man gets driven in his. My dad's eyes lit up, and he said, "Close, but the poor man washes his." He set the bucket down, and pulled up the water hose, and as he was walking in the house, he said "Will, wash the car."

Oogway, Jesus, and Maybe

I thought that it was pretty cool yesterday when my pastor was preaching and decided to quote Jesus and Oogway (i.e., wise turtle in Kung Fu Panda). Who knew both persons would have so much to say about the trials and obstacles that we face today? I was especially encapsulated by the scripture in Matthew Ch. 6 when Jesus says, "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. (v. 33-34)" How true is that, and how often do we lose focus on what's really important? It was enough to garner a chuckle from most of the audience when my pastor said, "What is the Kingdom of God, and where is the Kingdom of God?" His definition or answer was where God is King, and that God needs to be king in both our hearts, our lives, and in our actions. It was a truly inspiring message and one that I definitely needed to hear. Oogway's quote fit right along those lines, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift - that's why it's called the present." Jesus and Oogway - live in today, and don't worry about tomorrow and appreciate today because tomorrow's events are not known. Sweet!

The funny thing about hearing my Pastor quote lines from a movie is that they often provide dialogue that can be meaningful sources of inspiration. Can anyone say that they weren't inspired to come up with the own bucket list after watching the movie of the same title with Morgan Freeman, you know that guy who can convince you he's the personification of God, a police officer, a principal, and a slave, and Jack Nicholson, who always has a sinister sneer, just on the right side of crazy, but absolutely captivated when he's in a film. I know that I was. I've wanted to walk up to people and say, "I live my life a quarter mile at a time," but then I remembered that I don't race, or "I'm the king of the world!" Yes I watched that movie, unfortunately it didn't end so well for the "king." Or, "King Kong, ain't got nothing on me -" that one pumped me up, and lastly, "I make this look good!" The point is, their inspiring - I've been hoping I could meet a girl named Eva, just so I could draw it out by saying, "Eeeeee-vhuh," thanks Wall E.

Well, back to my attempt to make some kind of point - the most recent movie quote that's grabbed my imagination is from Kung Fu Panda as well, and again it was the all knowing wise turtle (just curious, how does a turtle end up being a martial arts master - does he fight everyone is slow motion? You've seen how turtles feel about cable vs. dial-up, LOL) Oogway that says, "One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it" That's a good one, maybe it'll be the same for me, or maybe not.

Prayer is Actually a Good Option

Who knew that NERF guns were so much fun to play with? Who knew that I'd still love the crackle and the spectacle of fireworks on the fourth of July? Who knew that my memory of the movie "Hancock" would be the laughter, the giggles, the "oohs," the hand covering the mouth, the hair flips to cover her face, and the gasps for air between funny scenes. Who knew that a game of spoons, or in our case a game of butter knives (we didn't have enough spoons) would be worth staying up to nearly midnight?

I certainly was unaware that any of it would conspire when I was invited to dine and to hang out with some really good friends of mine on the fourth of July. As much fun as I had that day, I couldn't help but think of those that I know who are serving our country in the armed forces. Prayer was all I knew to offer when I heard of my friend's spouses and their loved ones being on deployment in Iraq and neighboring countries. I find it ironic that we often say, Christians that is - that all I knew to do was pray. Sometimes we make it sound like prayer isn't a viable or valuable option, that it's our last resort, that it's the only thing that we can do when we cannot do anything else. When I really think about it, prayer should be our very first option, and I cannot think of any greater an option when life's obstacles surround you when you're unable to overcome them alone. I know that that is a drink that I've tasted, and I'm sure that it's one that I will have again.

Prayer is so valuable that Christ taught his followers how to pray and even prayed himself. I find myself in the position now where all I want to do is to pray. I guess that's why I was so proud of a friend who I've come to love as my brother when he gathered all his guests in a circle and asked if we'd all pray for each other. Wow. I was shocked, surprised, duped, and excited at the same time. The last time I saw leadership in that sense, with him, was when he was telling kids how to properly kick an opponent when he was teaching his martial arts class. I wish now that I'd been completely forthcoming when he asked if I had any prayer requests. Sometimes pride comes before the fall, as the bible says, or enables the possibility of failure because it won't let you admit that you need help or that you are in need. I should have told him that I needed him and his family to pray for me, I guess tomorrow I'll take the time to do just that.

Sandals and Flashlights

It was really neat to watch; the middle aged guy in his run-down Teva's, a huge smile on his face, and his kids chasing the running waves after each one lapped in. We were all out there, laughing on the shoreline, being illuminated by the moon and hoping that the grunions would show up to complete the purpose of our gathering. To our dismay, they did not arrive, but fun in the surf did. Yurika, Rachel and Lydia seemed to be having the most fun, all with their own roles in the pursuit of one thing. Yurika handed her sandals to Lydia and Rachel was instructed to hold up a light. Yurika squatted her legs and let her arms hang low with her fingers poised to dig in the sand with the next receeding wave - kinda like my last barber, now he only has to cut half the hair on my head, LOL - the wave rolled in, drowning our ankles and dampening our rolled up pants. Yurika sprang into action, and digging quickly was able to scoop out - not one, but two sand crabs. I asked if I could hold one, they were remarkably soft to the touch. I leaned down and let them roll off my fingers, where they quickly dug their way home. I always wondered what those birds with the long beaks were digging for when I'd walk on the beach, I guess now I have an idea.

I had another wonderful moment with my niece last night, one that left me amused and a little self conscious. I was at one picnic table and she was at the other. I heard the voice across the darkness, "Uncle Will, Uncle Will, come here." I started a light jog in her direction. Seeing me jogging, she said, "Run. Uncle Will, run!" I ran toward her and sat down on the bench in front of her, and said, "How can I help..." she scrunched up her nose and furrowed her brow, she waved her hand in front of her face, giggled as only a child could, jumped up and moved back towards her mom. What could I have done to produce such a response, where did I go wrong? Did I not run fast enough, did I forget to bring soda? No, the answer is much simpler. Upon my sitting down, she said, "Eww Uncle Will, you're stinky!"

"What," I thought, how could soap be stinky. She is so bright, even when it's dark. One last story; last one today, I promise. She ran up to me, tugged on the bottom of my jacket, and said, "Uncle Will, can I have some soda?" I told her we had to ask her Mommy, and with her consent I headed to the table. I picked up Hawaiian Punch, to which she exclaimed, "That's not soda." Excuse me, I thought, here's your Coca-Cola. She took that first sip and looked just like her dad when he's eating say, anything - sheer delight, and euphoria. Foood means a lot to them. Good times, life is full of them. I guess the trick is learning to always appreciate them.

Challenge to "The L"

The heart of a warrior, the quiet reflections that produce pearls of wisdom, slow talking that requires a belief that something important is going to be said, starting statements with, "Now," or "What you have to realize is..." are all torments that I've experienced at the hand of one with his own moniker - he even refers to himself in the third person. He has a disdain for the Los Angeles Lakers that could rival an Israeli, Palestinian conflict.

As much as I believe I've been blessed with the gift of gab, this guy is killing me when he says Kobe is a marginally great player, but he can't compare to just to fire me up. He's doing one helluva job, and that's what makes talking to my older brother fun. He loves the game as much as I do, if not more. How many people do you know who keep their own stats on XBox? He inundates my mind with the same taunting I used to dole upon my younger brother. For some reason, it's not as enjoyable, but remarkably nostalgic being on the other end. All his banter is rooting in the fact that he has no allegiance to any one team or player, but in his fanhood decides which one he believes is anointed to dismantle the triangle offense and Kobe's brilliance.

I believe that I will get the last laugh, I'll be the only gunslinger walking out of the saloon, I'll be the homie on the mountaintop screamin' "Holla!" when the Lakers, with the Black Mamba and the Zen Master at the helm come to win a couple more titles and the Big Aristotle will be left in basketball obscurity to ponder how much greater his career could have been had he made some free throws.

Isn't Selfishness Easy?!

I was texting a really good friend of mine; complaining more or less about what I don't have and wishing for what I wanted. I made mention of my frustration with the ways things were going in my life and the disappointment I've grown accustomed to. Many of the things I hope for have yet to be realized, and due to their not happening in the time frame I'd constructed in my mind, I came to believe in some way that God was not interested in blessing me.

How easy it has become to believe the negative things about God. It has become even easier still to expect that more things and possessions are what I need from God, or what I am supposed to have because I'm a believer. It's a very "me" oriented attitude; I serve God for how he can serve me - a something for something trade, a business proposition, a deal. It's like saying God, "I'm going to blame you for the bad, give you fleeting credit for the good, and pray for more and more." When prayers like that are made, it shows where the heart truly is, where my heart has been. Where a man's heart is, there will his treasure be also - that's what the good book says. So if my prayers are always about me, my comments are always about me, my concerns are always regarding my own affairs, the only one who's occupying a great deal of space in my heart is me. How sad is that?

My friend opened my eyes to my folly, and reminded me how truly precious my relationship with God truly is. I heard a quote from a cartoon I watch called The Boondocks, Huey Newton told his younger brother Riley that "things are only as valuable as what you're willing to pay for them." I am so valuable to God that his life is what he traded to be in communion with me eternally. " The bible tells us that there is no greater love than being willing to lay down one's life for a friend. It's not the possessions that I own, or the comforts that I've come to enjoy that determine how God's blessing me, it's being able to commune with his spirit and realize that God has a selfless love for me. I desire to grow in my relationship with God and understand what it means to have the same desire in my relationship towards him.

I'd Watch That!

Have you ever seen a movie preview, or heard about a new movie that was coming out. After hearing about it, you next ask what it's about, and then you ask, "Who's in it?" There are some names that make you wince, ones that make you shake your head side to side and then say, "Awight," some that make you put your hands up, shrug your shoulders, close your eyes and say, "Hell no!" Then there are some names that make you think, I'd watch that. Sometimes you don't even need to hear what the movie is about, but hearing that name makes you want to see it.

There is one name that does that for me. Some of you may think it's Samuel L. Jackson, but no it isn't him. He's always so angry isn't he. The name that makes me want to see a film is Morgan Freeman. He's played every kind of role and done them well. Who else do you know could convince you he's a slave and then in the next film have you believe he's the personification of God?