QQ I - 2011

I remember growing up and attending a baptist church. Sometimes, as light would stream through the stained glass windows the hue would be reverential and fitting for the chorus of voices that sang 'there is a name I long to hear, the sweetest name I know.' Today, I find that for every name you love to hear, there are some that you dislike hearing as much as having a tooth pulled out without novacane, sleeping in a humid tent on rocky ground, chewing on a bone when eating a burger or trying to shave your head with an electric set of clippers while sweating.

After seeing how hot cheese looks after it cools, I have second thoughts on eating it anymore.

Being without a voice is like being an illiterate mute - getting your point out is harder than finding an audience that understands it.

Its harder to say no, when everyone is used to hearing you say yes.

I wish I had a million dollar talent.

I would like to eat carbs!

I wonder how the Man vs. Food host's cholesterol level measures to that of Andrew Zimmern.

Where I am

So, a lot of things have happened in my life in this year. One thing is pressing on my mind above all else - how do I get where I want to go? I think I heard the answer today - "God has to be there before number 1" (Reb from Mitch Albom's "Have a Little Faith). God was here before I got here, has been here for the duration of my life and will be here long after I'm gone. My desires begin with knowing what His are and believing that I may not know the best way of getting "there," but he does. With that - trusting God, I know that trust will change where I am and develop who I am.

2010

I love watching movies. I especially like the scenes where a group of people are traversing rugged terrain, making it to the highest point to look out on the plains with the sun providing a backdrop to a land that they can now see and must conquer. As 2009 has ended and I'm standing on top of the hill looking into 2010, I wonder to myself what my report will be of the year that is coming. The land looks different to me. It does not look similar to anything that I've seen before. I am in a place in my life that I've not been before, and even though familiarity can be stale and unchanging, most times it is rather comfortable. Change; real change is not, is not comfortable that is. Because, everything that was done before to get to the hill seems to have only prepared you to get to the hill. The land that sits before my eyes is new and requires a different type of survival gear. For the first time in my life, I am not walking alone. I have someone there who genuinely wants to help me. I find the man that I was before slowly evaporating into the man that I need to be to be a success in 2010. It is daunting, but not impossible, new but refreshing, comfortable when thought unfamiliar, and serene despite external chaos.

Lake Crazy Love

I got up early this morning, and after picking up a friend made my way to our destination to begin walking and talking. After we got out of the car, agreed on how far we’d walk and found a good pace, during the conversation my eyes would dance between her excitement and the flurry of activity that was right in front of us. Bugs were scratching their legs and filling the morning air with song. The small birds that hopped along in the brush were excited to hear it; you could see it in their bounce. The air was full of tiny insects that looked like a school of fish in the quick direction changes and the miniscule circles they synchronically weaved their way in and out of. The ducks left trails of wonderful overlapping patterns of water. We heard shoes shuffling the blacktop, wheels being cranked by pedals and roller skates, yes roller skates carving up the road. All of this was pleasant, all of it tranquil, all of it surreal and all of it pleasing. During our walk, and after we laughed at ourselves, for moving at such a quick pace, my sight found the grass that had folded on top of itself on the lake’s edge. It lay as if nature were going to make a huge basket that held fish and frogs, ducks, birds, insects and small boats looking for treasure. I took a closer look and when I did my heart filled with joy.

I read a small piece of a great book today. In the book, the author Francis Chan made the assertion that our lives matter not. It will not matter tomorrow, if we were to die today, what car we drove, how much money we made, whether our clothes were fashionable and if we had the latest gadgets. What would matter was how that life, when lived was lived and if we had ever really lived. I can say for myself that I did not know what living was until I experienced first hand and came to appreciate the love that I’ve received, been privy of providing and found myself wanting. How much more I have truly experienced living as I’m coming to realize that my life is not worth living until I’ve lived for the one who lives to love me. I pray that as the water rescinds and my life draws to an end that people will be able to look on the shores that my lake touched and know that God’s love was there - that’s kind of crazy huh!

Read “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan.

1: Good Grief!

There is nothing as humbling as being in a situation where you find that being brought down off the proverbial perch of self-righteousness is both unexpected and unfathomably needed. So was the case, this weekend, for me - I was humbled. I found out that I have a tendency to "talk" too much, to not ask enough questions, to find pleasure in self-deprecating humor, and to think the worse of a situations end before I am even aware of the beginning. I also found out, after listening to a wise-cracking, genius of a witty man's sermon, that happiness can only be attained when life is being lived in service to purpose. How many people truly know what their purpose is? How many people, who know what their purpose is, embrace the realities that come with being dedicated to a craft, a practice, a life that is beyond them? I know for a fact that relationships, hobbies, classes, minuscule fulfilled goals are doing absolutely nothing to quell the feelings of restlessness that are running in my mind like millions of fleas in a small jar. When I'm sleeping, I wish I was awake. When I'm talking, I'd rather be listening. When I'm playing, I feel like I should be working, and when I'm waiting, I feel as though I should be doing. I feel like a child being told to sit still when everyone else is at recess. I believe these "feelings" come because I've yet to realize my purpose, although my girlfriend has been kind enough to present me with a couple of ideas. Ideas that I had to listen to; she is right.